his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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