I'm so fucking centered right now
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
