literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
