I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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