fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
