Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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