Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
