i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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