I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
