1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
