so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
