Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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