the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
