the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
