oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
