a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
