Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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