maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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