im drinking this country out of the recession.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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