he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
