Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
