so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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