you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
