I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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