the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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