That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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