I'm gonna have a badass scar
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
