I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
