my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
