At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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