Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
