I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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