At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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