Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk is not a location!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
