I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
