It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
