Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
