Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
