I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
zippers are such a cool invention
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
