I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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