Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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