i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
