What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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