I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
