did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no, he came in my armpit
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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