very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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