yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
