It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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