you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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