the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
