I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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